


Mama's Boy

by starsniper



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: M/M, Nygmobblepot, oswald is a mama's boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 00:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5518097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsniper/pseuds/starsniper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Oswald is the annoying roommate and Ed has to try to not strangle him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mama's Boy

Oswald Cobblepot is, for a lack of a better term, a mama's boy.

This revelation makes itself clear to one Edward Nygma when his unintended house guest nearly burns his kitchen, and possibly the entire apartment complex with it, to the ground. One visit from the fire department later, Edward is highly relieved Oswald is both compact in size _and_ good at staying quietly hidden when needed. It simply wouldn't do for him to have been so careful about concealing a wanted criminal only to be outed by the GCFD.

Well, that would be the last time he trusts the former crime king of Gotham to cook breakfast. Take out again it is.

At least the other man has the decency to look ashamed. How _did_ he manage to melt the spatula into the pan? Rubber tasting eggs would not do for someone who was still trying to recover from a nasty bullet wound. Luckily, Ed was in no shortage of frying pans, however, a new spatula would need to be acquired. Along with, regretfully, a new robe. Oswald had made the unfortunate decision of trying to quell the flames by throwing the article of clothing on top of them. Needless to say, this plan did not go over very well. Luckily, Ed has spare robes as well, one of which the mobster has already helped himself to.

Ed wonders briefly if he should simply take the rest of the week off work to make sure he still has an apartment to come home to. But he's already taken off too many days due to "emotional distress" from Kristen's sudden departure from Gotham City, and Ed isn't entirely sure his supervisor is going to be buying that excuse for much longer. On top of that, there's been an uptick in dead bodies scattered across Gotham City this past month, so his workload is much heavier than normal. No, another day off wouldn't do at all. Perhaps he could lock Oswald up in a giant kennel instead?

Ed chuckles a little at the absurd thought despite himself, which leads to an indignant Oswald squawking _"What?! What's so funny Eddie?!"_ at him. Ed simply shakes his head and continues cleaning what he can from the kitchen, making sure to also open up the windows to air out the burnt smell. At some point Oswald tries to help, but Ed banishes him back to bed, claiming that the stress of the near apartment fire was aggravating his friend's wounds. In reality, Ed's patience with his feathered friend is wearing thin, and he really doesn't want to deal with anymore of the man's "help".

It wasn't that Ed didn't appreciate that Oswald was trying to help around the house. It was the fact that his help came with all the grace of a bull in a China shop that worried him. The man seemed incapable of doing simple chores with any sort of independence, and any tasks he did attempt were met with Ed having to acquire new household items. Or attempting some new form of home repair. The forensic scientist is fairly certain that at this point, he could moonlight as a plumber based off all the toilet and sink related incidents he's had to solve since Oswald began residing with him.

Ed is realizing that the other man, while quite adept at running a criminal empire, is rather useless at running a household. It shouldn't really come as a surprise to him, considering the fact that Oswald continued to live with his mother into adulthood, but Ed has to wonder just how the man managed to survive so long without being able to fend for himself.

Cleaning up the mess takes longer than Ed expects, and now he's on the verge of being late to work. He trusts Oswald not to kill the delivery man upon arrival, although the mobster is threatening to so due to hunger.

"Well it's not my fault breakfast was delayed now is it, Mr. Cobblepot?" Ed is really not sure how much more of this he can take. He's lived alone for almost his entire life, his parents having left him to raise himself in their broken household, and almost every roommate Ed had throughout college either left him to his own devices, or moved out within the semester, unable to cope with Ed's obsessive need to keep everything neat and tidy. It's a bit depressing to think that the former crime king is the most intimate human interaction he's had outside of his failed relationship with Miss Kringle.

"Eddie, I told you, we're friends now, you can call me Oswald, Ozzie even!" Ed knows that Oswald is just trying to pander to his ego  to get out of trouble with the forensic scientist. After all, how many people could say they were granted the privilege of referring to The Penguin by his first name, let alone a nickname?

"Of course, Ozzie _,_ " Ed replies in a semi sweet tone. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really have to get going."

He really needs to get out of this apartment before he strangles his friend. Even though he's got nearly a foot on Oswald, he's not entirely sure he could overpower the small mobster. The man's body count isn't in the dozens for nothing. Of course, right as Ed is a hair breadth's away from heading out the door...

_"Eddie...?"_ Christ.

Ed sighs loudy. "Yes, _Ozzie?"_ The bite on his companion's nickname is evident, and Ed is pleased when he sees Oswald flinch just ever so slightly. One had to take small victories where they could. His victory is short lived, however, when the mobster's expression turns demure and deferential and his head turns ever so slightly upwards at him. Suddenly, those baby blue eyes seem even more luminous in the natural light of the apartment. Ed knows that Oswald wants something, and somehow, he's figured out exactly what face to make to make sure that Ed never says no.

"Could you possibly get me some more of that bread you brought home the other day? We're almost out..." His voice seems to have risen a few octaves, and Ed is pretty sure Oswald is biting his lip on purpose, but he has absolutely no way of proving it. He's not quite sure why he finds the action so mesmerizing to look it and it's only when Oswald says his name that he snaps out of his reverie and shakes his head.

"Of course Mr.-ah, Ozzie. I'll just, add it to the list of things you so direly need." Ed briefly wonders if Oswald can hear the sarcasm in his voice. If he does, he gives no indication of it as he claps his hands together.

"Thank you Eddie!" and there it is. That sing-song voice and childlike smile seals the deal. Oswald's used that trick on him far too many times. Since when had Ed become a mother? When had Oswald become his pseudo child? More importantly, why did it feel like a storm was raging in his chest whenever the crime boss smiled at him like that? Ed doesn't have time to process these thoughts when his watch beeps at him for the umpteenth time warning him of his impending tardiness.

\--

Going to work was a bad idea.

He's stressed from his normal workload, but now _everyone's_ case is of the utmost importance and his boss is breathing down his neck because _of course_ there was traffic today which made him even _more_ late. Ed is pretty sure that if the GCPD weren't so short staffed (and if he weren't so damn good at what he does, of course) he probably would have lost his job by now.

On top of that, Oswald has been calling non-stop throughout the day. Somehow, the mobster has managed to reclog the toilet, _and_ locked himself out of the bathroom.

"Again?" Ed so dearly wishes he could physically reach through the phone.

"Don't _again_ me Eddie, you and I both know your bathroom is outdated and in need of renovation! Now help me unlock the door!" Oswald's frantic squawking is not helping anyone.

"...Did you try jiggling the handle?" He knows that his apartment is old, but _come_ _on_ , the bathroom wasn't rocket science.

"Of course I tried jiggling the handle! What makes you think I - oh thank god, I finally got it open, now how do I unclog the toilet?"

"Well what did you put _down_ it?!" Can this day really get any worse?

It's at this exact moment that he notices Dr. Thompkins hovering near his work station. Ed curses his misfortune. The unclogged toilet will have to wait until later. He knows that he'll probably get an earful from his darling _Ozzie_ later, but for now, he'll have to keep the M.E. occupied. Without a second thought, he shuts off the phone and turns to his new headache.

The conversation with Dr. Thompkins is as awkward as he expects it to be. He knows that his fake crying has distracted the woman for the time being, but it won't be long before she begins questioning such an absurd story. It has seemed like a good idea to kill two birds with one stone, waving away two disappearances at once, but Ed soon realized that this might actually be the start of his downfall.

His phone buzzes again, snapping him out of his thoughts. Ed just knows he's going to regret picking up the phone but he flips it open anyway.

"Yes?" Please don't be asking about the clogged toilet again.

"Where is the spicy mustard?"

...Is he fucking _serious_ right now?

"You better not have finished it...ah! Never mind." And with that the line goes dead. Ed flips the phone shut and buries his face in his hands. But wait, _did_ Oswald manage to unclog the toilet? Or had he given up and opted for food instead? For once, Ed is looking forward to staying at work. Perhaps Oswald would drown himself in their apartment and he'd no longer have to deal with his insufferable behavior.

Ed ignores the voice in his head that tells him he'd miss the little shit _dearly_ if that were to happen.

\--

As he suspects, Dr. Thompkins is poking around later in the day about Krsiten. He regrets not trying to become better friends with the woman's colleagues throughout the office because then he wouldn't be hovering over so many conversations trying to figure out if his story corroborates with their knowledge of her. Luckily (or unluckily for him), the reviews are mixed. Some of the women, gossips that they may be, claim to have known of an illicit affair that occurred for entire duration Ed and Kristen were together (how does one have an affair with a dead man?), while others claimed that the records keeper would _never_ cheat on Ed, having herself been the victim of infidelity one too many times.

Ed realizes that drastic measures will have to be taken. The conflicting stories will lead to more questions he may not have the time to think up clever answers to. He reluctantly calls up Oswald to ask him to dispose of the glasses.

"Well, why did you keep them in the first place?" Ed wants to growl at his companion but instead chooses to swallow down his irritation.

"I told you, I loved her." Ed pretends he doesn't hear the indignant huff on the other line. "Just get rid of them. Dr. Thompkins is suspicious."

Ed is met with a click on the other line.

\--

"Eddie! Welcome home. How was work?"

Ed raises an eyebrow at the unusual situation before him. Since when had Oswald taken the time to greet him at the door? He ignores the small part of him that's secretly pleased at the gesture. Was this what it was like to have a puppy? The forensic scientist's suspicions grow more when Oswald offers to take his coat, and shuttles him quickly from the door the kitchen to offer him a ready-made cup of tea.

"I know you probably had a long day, so I made us some tea! You like chamomile right?"

Oswald is strangely attentive to his needs. Ed briefly wonders if the tea is poisoned. Or perhaps he wasn't able to dispose of Miss Kringle's glasses properly? No, that couldn't be it. Glasses couldn't possibly be that difficult to get rid of. Dear God, had the man clogged up the toilet again?! Ed frantically begins scanning the apartment for any signs of water damage.

Suddenly, his eyes fall on the bed and  Ed realizes that they're not alone in his apartment. No, far from it. His head whips back and forth quickly between the obviously guilty looking mobster, and the offending presence in his bed.

"Oswald..."

"Eddie I told you, call me Ozzie..."

Oh really, that's how the little shit wanted to play now?

" _Ozzie_...would you care to tell me exactly why JIM GORDON IS BLOODY AND UNCONSCIOUS IN MY BED?!"

It was going to be another long night.

\--

He's honestly surprised that Officer Gordon stays unconscious for the entire spat and subsequent reconciliation. It's probably for the best though, the poor man was disturbed enough waking to the two of them singing a duet together when everything is all hunky dory again, so Ed is fairly certain had he witnessed certain _other_ activities, the detective might have attempted to gouge his eyes out.

Ed isn't entirely sure how it all happened really. What had started as a fight about Jim Gordon's sudden and bloody appearance in his home (he was staining the sheets! how was Ed supposed to explain housing a fugitive?!) devolved into a fight about his relationship with Kristen (why did Oswald have to get rid of her glasses anyway? She wasn't _his_ ex-girlfriend!). While no fists were thrown, some choice words certainly felt like punches to one's gut, and before he knew it, Ed had had Oswald pinned against the metal support column, growling obscenities in the other man's ear. From there everything had dissolved into bites and scratches and something that may have resembled kissing. It's then that Ed realizes that he hasn't just taken in a lost puppy or a fully grown man child, no, Oswald Cobblepot is _infinitely_ more dangerous than that. But perhaps, Ed has always been attracted to danger.

Oswald Cobblepot may be a mama's boy, useless at household chores, hot-headed and overly needy, but Edward Nygma honestly wouldn't have him any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Nygmobblepotmas! =^_^=


End file.
